Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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