Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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