After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
