Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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