I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
