no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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