I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
