You can't motorboat a personality
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
