you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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