I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
