Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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