just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Less talking, more tequila
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
