You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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