just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
