Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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