What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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