Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
