I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize