I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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