where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
