Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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