I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
