That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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