I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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