am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
