She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
