I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
