Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you inspire me to be a worse person
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
