Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
