How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
