drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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