Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
