Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
