we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
