Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
