what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
