I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
