Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
