if only i could text you this smell
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
