Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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