If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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