You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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