So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm really busy with my period
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