I've blown a few things in my day
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
