Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize