so that wasnt chicken after all
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize