11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
