Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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