last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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