Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
