as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
