I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
