I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
