Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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