theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
