I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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