Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
