Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
