her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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