I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
