Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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