I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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