How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
