I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize