Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
