just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
