Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These tits shall not be calmed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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