My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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