Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
