Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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