Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
