I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
