I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
