it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
