Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
