Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
