it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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