go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
