P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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