I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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