i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
