So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
