My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
sex in a hospital.. check
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
