you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
