You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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