dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
