yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Randomize
