4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
