I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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