carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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