I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She even gives head with a lisp.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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