told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
