My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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