I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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