You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
