I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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