I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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