I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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